Two years ago today, I can recall thinking to myself, Are we really doing this?
After living in Nashville and working in the music industry for many years, my husband and I had decided it was time for him to change careers. He was on tour with a band in Canada, and when he came home in mid-December, we would be packing up our first home and moving 2,000 miles across the country to Los Angeles.
While the music industry had provided a great career for my husband, we were weary of long-distance marriage and unpredictable income. We also felt a strong calling for my husband to pursue a seminary education. As we began to explore our options, the Lord basically placed a neon “GO HERE” sign over the Master’s Seminary in Los Angeles, California.
It looked like an answer to prayer, and we felt confident that this was the direction in which God was calling us. And, yet… I feared. I doubted. I cried.
I remember thinking, Why does it have to be Los Angeles? I love the South, and I don’t like big cities. We are going to need to massively downsize. Where will we work, and how we will cover the increased cost of living? I feel like everything God asks us to do is difficult.
I realize now that my stream of thoughts was self-centered and short-sighted, but those emotions were so very real at the time.
Today, while I still miss the South and dislike big cities, I call Los Angeles home, and I am so grateful for the adventure God has called us to. I still don’t know all the answers or what we will do when my husband finishes his degree. But, I do know that change has taught me to trust the Lord more deeply than I ever expected.
Two years ago, I felt like I was stepping into a wild mystery. I knew in my head that God was good and faithful, but struggled to connect that knowledge with my heart. This season of change and uncertainty has pushed that knowledge deep into my heart where it has taken root and given me life. Stepping out in faith provided an opportunity for me to depend on God and for Him to provide.
His provision hasn’t always looked like we expected or desired it to, but He has been with us every step of the way, lovingly and graciously teaching us to trust Him more. I don’t think I would have gained such an intimate understanding of trusting God without experiencing change that shook our world upside down.
I’ve come to realize that uncertainty and change are something that everyone faces throughout life in varying degrees. It is a tool that God uses to teach us and draw us closer to Himself. Have you experienced a season of change that impacted you? What has God taught you through change?
Ali Howard is a Baylor University graduate who has engaged in full-time, nonprofit work since 2011. She joined the Joni and Friends team in January 2015, and serves as the Senior Coordinator of Volunteer Services. She also acts as the content editor for the Irresistible Church blog and books.